It goes a little something like this:

Years ago I met this gem of a person through completely arbitrary circumstances. It was one of those moments where someone enters a room and time stands still, the hairs on the back of your neck stick up, and you become aware of a being that you realize you were meant to know.

I did get to know that person, and I had some of the best conversations of my life with him. He was the free spirit in my life, the dreaminess in my reality. To him, anything was possible. He was one of the few people I have ever met that seemed to understand the meaning of spirituality. He believed in Jesus and he wasn't a jerk. He was profound, thoughtful, and provoking.

One day on my front stoop, I watched our friendship crumble. I know it was my fault. It wasn't an argument or a disagreement...but something happened and when he walked away, I knew I would never speak to him again.

I did speak to him again. But it was forced...again, probably my fault. It wasn't natural, and everything about our relationship up to that point had been honest. The caution--the guarded nature of this forced encounter--it was enough to finalize our separate ways.

This was years ago.

I saw him tonight for the first time since then, from a distance. He was with people, I was with people. We sat facing each other, people in between us. I am fairly certain he saw me first. It was that awkward distance where you can almost tell if you are making eye contact, but you are too far to be sure. I got a lump in my throat, watching him with his people from a distance, remembering random moments that we spent pouring our hearts out to each other. I thought about getting up and going over to him, but what to say? 'Hello' wasn't enough. 'How are you' would be contrived. 'I'm sorry'? Not the right time. I sat there, distracted by his presence, trying to enjoy my friends. Running through my head were the things I could say.

Instead, he got up and left with a girl. I can't lie, I sighed relief. But the lump stayed.

I'm sorry. For everything. You were one of the biggest sources of inspiration in my life.